building understanding and challenging conflict
Reunion Faciliting / Parenting Issues Asheville, North Carolina.
People hate Conflict (Page under Construction)
Reunion Mediation for Adoptees/Adopters
We specialise
in Reunion Mediation
At the New Beginnings conference in Los Angeles in October 1998, Jeanne Etten, Ph.D., Director of Teamwork for Children, explained a relatively new field, adoption mediation.
From the 1930s to the mid-1980s most adoptions were closed. Records were sealed to protect the best interest of the children and the privacy of the birth parents. By the end of the 1980s, adoptive children and birth parents began to challenge sealed records. One result of the shift in attitudes toward adoption has been the growth in Child Centered Permanency Mediation.
Adoption mediation falls into two categories, preadoption and postadoption. Preadoption mediation is further divided into voluntary and court-ordered.
Reunion mediation is a new field. Mediation is sometimes used when attempts for adoptive children and their birth parents to find each other reach the level of legal action. Many of these cases arise from the competing interests of birth parents, adult children and/or adoptive parents. Many come from the need to know medical history. If an adult who was adopted has a child with a disease which may be inherited, she or he would want to know the medical history of the birth family before having another child. Mediation is often the desired alternative to long and costly legal battles.
Children are often the winners when a more humane process forges positive links with their birth heritage and encourages the adults in their lives to cooperate.
We specialise in Reunion MediationVoluntary adoption mediation helps the birth parents and the adoptive parents to decide on the amount of communication they want with each other. The mediator works with each family individually before a match is made. Birth parents often want the right to visit as an option but not a requirement, as their lives are likely to change, or they may decide the connection is no longer in the best interest of the child.
When a match is made, the mediator helps write an agreement. This written agreement is reassuring to both sets of parents, prevents misunderstanding and, should the adoptive parents refuse the contact, can be of help in a judicial hearing. The agreement usually indicates that the adoptive parents will notify the birth parents in case of serious illness, accidents or death of the child. These may or may not be incorporated into the decree of adoption. Some use the adoption agency as an intermediary so there is not direct contact, others are comfortable with contact.
Court ordered termination of parental rights brings a different set of problems. The birth family has not already decided adoption is its choice. Often foster parents, sometimes of the same family, are concerned about the welfare of the child. The children are no longer infants and may have developed bonds with either the birth parents, other family members or the foster parents. Often there are brothers and sisters who want to stay together or in communication. Sometimes family members don't want to give up the hope of eventual reunification.
The first advantage of mediation is that it can speed up the process; a decision which will place the child in a permanent, stable situation can be made in months instead of years. Second, the child benefits when birth, foster and adoptive parents focus their energies on what is best for the child instead of fighting a long and contentious court battle with multiple appeals. Third, and most important, it lays the groundwork for future positive communication between the birth parents and the family who will raise the child.
If a parent is incarcerated or going through a long-term drug treatment program, sometimes the best arrangement is guardianship. Some parents who are mentally ill visit the child regularly but realize they are not able to raise the child. Some of the most difficult cases for mediators to resolve are with foster parents who want to adopt a child and are concerned that the birth parents may harm the child. The mediator emphasizes that the most important issue is the best interest of the child, and may suggest that visits be supervised and at a neutral site, such as an agency or a community park. All of these difficult issues can be incorporated into a written agreement.
Postplacement mediation is less often used. It can be useful when:
Parenting Issues
"Many researchers have found that it is not the divorce itself that causes children’s problems, but rather it is the quality of the relationship and parenting by custodial and non-custodial parents after the divorce that has the greatest impact. The presence of children requires that divorced parents restructure their lives in ways that allow children to continue their relationships with both parents. Each parent must find new ways of relating independently with the child while they also develop new rules and behaviors with each other. Parents who are able to agree on the roles, rules, and boundaries between the different homes typically find that the children are able to flourish and make better transitions.
Mediation may not resolve all of the parents’ issues, but it can help parents focus on parenting and ease the transition for their children. As you might expect, children also experience conflict in many of the same ways as adults. Children, however, depend on their families to help them through these feelings and if their parents are having difficulties coping, they may not know what to do. This can often result in greater use of negative coping strategies and a higher incidence of emotional and behavioral problems (Kurdek & Sinclair, 1988; Rogers & Holmbeck, 1997).
Mediation can serve as a catalyst for positive interactions and communication that lasts long past the mediation session. If parents are able to take steps to minimize the conflict during and after the divorce they can help their children through this transition. A divorce can negatively impact a child, but in the end it is how the parents handle their divorce and their relationship with their children that can determine how children experience the divorce."
| credit to Daniel Bjerknes |
Before Counseling
Description of services being composed
